Safest Place In Within The Mind

Trysta, 19, photography, music, my Noah, starwars, doctor who, youtube, jewelry, Walmart

My Biggest fear

I’m sitting here on my day off of work making myself admit to my fears but most of all my BIGGEST fear of all where do I start? I want to save the #1 fear for last because there is a lot I have to say on that. If I start off saying one of my fears are bugs I understand a lot of you will say that’s no biggie I hate them too. But me literally if I see a spider even on TV my skin crawls. I will agree though that bugs aren’t really a bad fear. Another thing that I do have a little more of a fear of is needles but there is something weird about that for me. Getting shots and blood work I can’t handle it. I have to look away and close my eyes it just freaks me out. I generally DON’T like it. BUT when it comes to tattoos I’m fine. I think that is because when you get a tattoo it’s not going all that deep into my skin. But blood work and stuff like that its going into my body and adding things to my system or removing my blood. And the thought of that freaks me out. Tattoos you are just getting ink just kind of under your skin. Yes people can react to it; people can also have skin that will reject the color too. The next fear I’ve had for a while with being bullied all throughout school and all. I’m terrified of being alone. Now don’t take it as I can’t go places alone or I need a man or woman in my life. That’s not what I mean, I was always told as a child that no one likes me that I will die alone, and I have no friend’s things like that.  I’ve actually had someone tell me that they hope that I die alone. Now once again it’s not that I feel like I need people to be able to be happy but the fear that one day my best friends will forget me or that I’ll lose everyone that I care about scares the crap out of me. I feel like if that did happen that I would be one of the crazy old ladies with a house full of animals. That kind of alone is what I fear and it’s honestly truly scary. This is where I can’t really think of much more I’m really scared of but here is the kicker. My greatest fear of all one that keeps me awake at night and will linger deep in my thoughts till I die is not knowing. Have you ever know you were in trouble and got scared of what the punishment your parents would give you?  Have you ever had friends that were true friends and then friends that aren’t really good friends? I know I have some of those and when I sit and talk to people about personal things I have come to learn who I can tell certain things but there were times I told some people things that turned out they weren’t real friends and it still terrifies me that the things that I told them maybe they told someone something. I literally have a fear of not knowing what to do or what is being said. When I’m at work I get scared at times when I walk up to a manager and they whisper something as I walk away or if I am doing my job and I see a customer walk past me and they are tilting their head toward me and whispering. I feel like this fear is something that will consume me, because it ties all kinds of different fears together kind of. Well as I see things it ties things together like I get scared of not knowing everything. If I can’t tell what someone I like is thinking, Not knowing is someone is mad at me, Not knowing if my dad is ok while I’m at work, Not knowing is one of my biggest fears and I am no longer keeping that from people. I am Trysta E. Difut and I am scared of not knowing. Anything you can think to not know I’m most likely scared of it. Obviously not knowing what to eat or little things like that I’m fine but not knowing scares me sometimes.